When you have fourteen separate personalities* you are allowed to follow any fork in the road you wish. I’ve chosen to do that today. Some of ‘us’ may take a road of solidarity, others, while holding hands, will chorus in unison. And still, there will be one or two of us that simply decides we’d prefer to remain anonymous, hidden and unobtrusive. Allow us, if you will, to invite you along. We’re harmless, but intentional. We’d like you to enjoy our journey and consider it a part of yours, as well.
CONTEST (rules to follow)*
What is this? Be the first one to correctly identify this plant and you will receive a box of chocolate chip cookies, homemade (if you’ve brave enough, and if not, a $25.00 gift certificate to enjoy…I get to surprise you, and yes, I promise it will be legitimate and will contain a receipt of authenticity…legit value, fully redeemable). Okay kids, put those thinking caps on and let’s rip open this mystery. It has intrigued me since it’s birth in my garden a few weeks ago. This week it decided to ramp its energy and mystify me even more. The plant produces both flowers and seed pods, and since I’m a rocket scientist and not a biologist, does it do so: once by bloom and followed by pod, or as an asexual derivative? (Yeah, like I really know what I’m talking about. I really, truthfully, only understand dark matter.) Forgive me for pretending I understand, Botany. Growth began in what I thought was the sunflower patch. Fair enough. There’s room. Besides, over to the left, a few feet away, a climbing squash? cucumber? cantaloupe? took up residency. That’s fine. No worries. Sunflowers? I think they took journey upon the breeze and are nicely adjusting to the trade winds. Hopefully they are enjoying Tahiti, Bali, Bora Bora and the likes of beauty they deserve. My only concern: Why was I left behind? I own 14 suitcases! You’d sure like to see some pictures now, wouldn’t you? Settle down or I’ll eat half of the cookies, or reduce your gift certificate to a whopping $12.50.
Now, let us go bravely into the land of my ignorance
Yes, yes we shall.
I don’t sleep walk with my flashlight, and that’s a dog-gone shame! I might have discovered the nightly habits of this sweet, mysterious lady/gent. I have pulled three of the dark pods off to examine them, but must admit that I do not know if they have a function beyond offering seeds, and hopefully said seeds are non-poisonous to my sweet friends that might dine upon them. Might I also note. I planted these within that sunflower patch I had hoped to establish, using a packet of seeds purchased while visiting Northern California. (AND NO, I DID NOT PURCHASE MARIJUANA SEEDS! I have fourteen personalities. I’m not trying for a world record of the unknown magnitude. Geez! Anyone thinking that should automatically withdraw from the contest immediately. YOU ARE OFFICIALLY DISQUALIFIED. My birth-state is Colorado, BUT I reside in Texas!) My seed pack purchase was for something labeled, Organic Skyscraper Sunflowers. Growth habit of up to 15 feet. That height factor REALLY caught my attention! I knew Jack lived in that beanstalk, and I was hoping Jill resided in the sunflower, and that the two of them would become lovers, thus choosing to marry. I could hold their wedding, or at least beg them to allow me the honor of their reception.
So there you have it.
And here are my rules.
Everyone shall abide by them:
Never assume you know something that you don’t. Be proud to ask for assistance. Ignore your shame and realize that you are actually allowing others to gift you. It’s like when the teacher asked for a show of hands and you sunk into your seat for fear of not knowing the answer. You tried to appear inconspicuous. God only help you if you proved you were stupid. Got news for you kids, “I’ve never met a stupid person and neither have you!” All of us have found ourselves among the ignorant, and that’s a blessing. For each and everyone of us has also been, and will be, from time-to-time, ignorant. We are blessed, not cursed. Now give yourself a pat on the back for being human. Also, I refer to having 14 separate personalities, actually that is a misnomer. *I have a mental illness, but it’s always been defined under, “Clinical Depression” and was done so, I suspect, because of how medical insurance was once limited by it’s coverages for specific forms of such conditions.
Absolutely NO SPAMMING IS ALLOWED! I won’t track you down and ‘get cha’, but I know who will and they can, and will, legally do so! Rules of the Internet, obey them and abide by them, or suffer the consequence(s).
One winner only. I’m far from wealthy. Heck, aren’t we all! At least 99 per cent of us are, anyway. And, if you’re in that top one percent. I congratulate you, and encourage you to play along with us. If you win, would you mind accepting the gift certificate and offering it to someone in need? Maybe match it, tenfold? Thank you. All 99% of us, “Thank you” and I’m sure the majority of us really do hope that YOU win. :)
Cookies, if you chose to have cookies as your prize, I will mail them to you within the week of your winning. They will be shipped, Priority Mail, United States Postal Service. Let me know if you are allergic to any nut product. My kitchen is NOT a NUT FREE ZONE, and no! It has nothing to do with my friends dancing in my head. Can I offer, Kosher? I’m sorry, I cannot. I eat meat, especially beef, pork, and would not and will not lie to you.
Unfortunately, I will be unable to offer this contest to participates outside of the United States due to the prohibitive nature of shipping expenses and my ignorance on restrictions on mail codes outside of the U.S., HOWEVER, there is one exception: All United States ARMED FORCES ARE ELIGIBLE FOR ENTRY if they can submit, privately, a military address.
Does this read like a book? Of course it does. If I condensed anything the other thirteen girls would be offended. We all have things to say. Now you have places to go. Shoo-fly, shoo!
Please allow me to introduce our winner
…I erroneously named Mrs. Hoberg, until I was ‘reminded’ that the real winner was, in fact, her daughter.
Meet Miss Zulu Hoberg
Yes, I understand that a few of you may question the validity of this contest and that my family may have had an unfair advantage. That just ain’t fair! No way, no how, AND, we have to make this fair, or I won’t be able to sleep with myself. Yes, the other thirteen girls will steal my covers and ban me into the spare bedroom. I am frightened by things that go bump-in-the-night and am needy for the comfort of my others. So…tomorrow, after the dental appointment and a prior commitment, I will work on a new contest. Sorry, none of my relatives will be allowed to participate, including all 14 of me, and the others listed within four sisters’ and my brother’s known genealogy, I promise I didn’t rig this thing today, but then I got to thinking (a rare thing, I know), and decided there was no difference between a grocery store contest give-away (where employees are not allowed to participate, nor their family members). How was it proper for me to ‘create’ a set of rules that could not be governed openly and honestly? Oh dang, here I go again, writing a book and loosing you to the t.v. set, the smartphone, etc. Stay tuned and keep contemplating: Cookies? Gift Certificate?
(In fairness to the dog, she DOES receive cookies. Organic, dog-friendly, and made by me.)
I win twice. :)